When should you ask “Are we on the same page?”

This is an interesting conversation that we have with clients. It seems for the most part their are two categories to this.  The first is the new couple and one of the two feel they are more invested then the other.  The second is the couple maybe a year into their relationship and they have yet to be clear as to where the relationship is going.  As matchmakers, it is usually clear exactly what is happening once we have the information, however, it is a tricky path to walk when you want to be sensitive to your client’s feelings.  You want to be supportive, yet truthful, so you avoid the client wasting time with the wrong person.

Let’s start with the new couple of maybe a few months. They have been dating and are now in a committed relationship, yet they really have not had any discussions about future plans.  This usually comes up when one person in the relationship has stronger feelings and knows that  they may be more invested in the relationship than their partner.  What you have to have the client decide in this situation is ” Are you ready to hear the answer, if the answer is not what you want to hear?”  Once the client decides this is imperative for their continuing the relationship, then it is something we will encourage the client to do, in a tactful manner.  A blunt and aggressive tactic will only lead to a negative answer, regardless of how their partner feels.  The best approach would be for the client to discuss future plans with their partner  and see how their partner reacts.  If you feel they are not including you, and or, not interested in making future plans, than it is safe to say you need to be straight forward about questioning where you stand.  Usually your instincts on this are correct.  Make sure you ask in an environment that you feel comfortable and safe.  This way if it is not what you want to hear you don’t put yourself in an awkward situation.  If they are just not that into you, then you did yourself a favor and moved one step closer to where your’e supposed to be!

The second category is the couple who has been dating for a around a year and yet is not secure in where the relationship is going. This situation needs more sensitivity to what is going on in both of their lives and how well things have been going over the past year.  You first need to ask yourself if you are reading the situation correctly?  When you partner has been around your family and friends, these are great resources for you to get an omniscient point of view of things.  If you are working with a matchmaker, they will have feedback that can certainly lead you in the right direction as well.  If all signs are that there is an imbalance in the relationship, then it makes sense to share with your partner how you feel. I have always encouraged clients to make it about them instead of pointing the finger at their significant other. This allows your partner to understand, rather than feel the need to defend. I promise you it will have a more favorable outcome and leave your partner feeling more open to this discussion.

There is no perfect or absolute advice on these situations.  You need to be true to yourself and listen to your instincts.  When you are feeling dis-ease in your relationship, pay attention and don’t evade and avoid what is happening.  Living in fear of what may come, is not a position you should ever allow yourself to stay in for any length of time. Being brave and self advocating will always leave you with a better outcome regardless of whether your partner is supportive of your relationship or not.  Stand up for what you deserve with grace and humility and you will get exactly to where your supposed be!

Here’s to a Happy & Healthy Dating Life!