Have you ever felt like dating has become a arduous task, rather than an enjoyable experience? We would have to say that you are definitely among the majority of people in the dating arena today. How does anyone actually enjoy the journey, and still maintain enthusiasm for the end goal? We have worked with so many clients over the years that have typically been on either end of the spectrum with this. We realized that the clients that looked at meeting someone new as an adventure rather than an task, had better outcomes and quicker results. So how do you make the switch from just getting through the dating scene, to being super effective in the dating scene and actually enjoying the journey?
First and foremost; What you pay attention to gets bigger! This means whether you are focused on the positive or negatives of any given situation, what you focus on will always be the catalyst for how you feel about it. Whether you are dating, getting a degree, or shopping for a new car or home, it is your choice of how this experience will affect you. The clients that choose to focus on what they learned and or discovered about themselves during a date, as opposed to what they did and did not like about that person, seemed to have fulfillment in the dating process. The clients that focused on all of to what did not work or focused on the dislikes of their date’s appearance etc. felt let down because their expectations were not met. In turn, these clients lag behind in their progression toward their end goal. So if you can really try to train your brain to focus on fulfillment, as opposed to disappointment, then every opportunity that you you have to get to know another human being on the planet, can actually become a lot more appealing. Secondly it is wise to admit that leaving opportunities open can have it’s reward. Think about the person you are meeting with and ask yourself “What do you enjoy and or appreciate about them?” If you feel that their qualities are a good fit, however, the chemistry is not there, then why not present your best self? Know that this is another single individual out there knows you and also knows that you are single. This may just leave the door open to a new connection at any point down the road. They may possibly introduce you to a friend or co-worker since they thought so highly of you and how you presented yourself on your date. It’s interesting to me that in business we would never be dismissive or be less than our best selves in a meeting, yet when it comes to dating we don’t hold ourselves to the same standard. The more doors and windows you leave open the more opportunity you will have for success!
Lastly it is always a good idea to exchange information if you like then as a person. You just need to be clear about your intent at the end of the date. Clear intention minimizes any awkwardness and eliminates the need for ducking or dodging their calls after the date. State your intention “I would like to exchange information, as I feel we have a lot in common. Although you and I don’t connect in this arena, it would be great to stay in touch.” If you feel there is no need to stay in touch, it is always good to be clear and to be kind. You can say “Thank you for meeting me and although this was not a love connection, I truly enjoyed our time. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find someone great! This defines the boundaries and also shuts down any opportunity to have a reason to act like a teenager and create a getaway plan. Don’t avoid the obvious. Try these tips and once you get these down, there will be more to come!