One of the hardest things to do is let someone down. After all, no one likes rejection. But what if you’re just not into that person?
How do you tell a guy he’s not your type, or that you already have someone else, or that you’re just not interested in him?
Here are examples from experts that may work for you:
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Love Strategist and Relationship Coach
“I enjoyed our dates, but I want to be upfront with you. I don’t feel we are compatible for the long term.”
The dating game can be tricky. But, it’s even trickier when you aren’t clear on what you want from someone you’re dating, and you don’t know how to use the proper techniques to communicate your needs.
Instead of allowing yourself to fall into the wrong scenarios, here are five proven strategies to help you disconnect from someone you’re just not interested in dating:
Use technology to your advantage
Sometimes, you may have told someone you’re dating, and you just aren’t interested. But, inevitably, they didn’t pay much attention or even act as though you haven’t had this discussion with them.
Use the power of texting or a phone call to make the message clear. Texting them that though you appreciate who they are and what they bring to the table is impressive, they are not the right connection for you at this time.
Putting things into words in black and white can help to provide more clarity, and this is entirely appropriate if you have had less than four dates to use the text option to opt out of the relationship. If you have dated longer than this period, having this conversation via phone would show sensitivity and maturity.
Keep it short and simple
You can simply state something like, “I enjoyed our dates, but I want to be upfront with you. I don’t feel we are compatible for the long term.”
Be freaking honest
When someone likes you, giving them hope can be like telling your bestie they look great in that dress they don’t look so great wearing! There is nothing like giving false hope to someone or having them think something is better than it actually may be.
It’s why when we want the truth, we go to the friend we know will be honest.
So please, please don’t friend zone a guy you don’t like or have an interest in dating. It’s like the indefinite tease. Just do that one thing you would want someone to do for you instead of stringing you along if you feel them and aren’t feeling you.
“You have a lot to offer, but I don’t feel you and I are the right fit.”
Be honest. You could say something like, “You have a lot to offer, but I don’t feel you, and I are the right fit.” If you want to take it a step further, you can add to this statement:
“You deserve someone who will appreciate everything you bring to the table, and I don’t want to be the one who is standing in your way of you receiving that connection.”
Think of all of the people who may have led you on in which you lost time. And how you could have possibly been with someone in which you could have had a real connection. Now reverse this and do the favor for this person in which you have absolutely no interest in dating for the long-term.
Be the good karma we all would like to receive!
“It’s flattering that you’re reaching out, but I’m in a relationship.”
It’s not uncommon if you are attractive and desirable to get some DM action via social media. Social media is great in that you can connect with people you may not have met before. But social media can be exhausting in that a lot of people think they can shoot their shot with you.
Don’t despair! If someone reaches out via social media that you just aren’t interested in, just let them know. Here are a couple of cool responses, “It’s flattering that you’re reaching out, but I’m in a relationship.”
Use this if it is actually true because remember you are practicing the power of honesty. Or, you can say, “Thank you for the message, but I’m taking some me-time right now.”
“I want to be straight with you; I’m seeing other guys right now.”
If you are in a relationship, dating someone with whom you have better chemistry or a better connection, or dating multiple people, you can be direct and share this information.
You might say something like, “I want to be straight with you; I’m seeing other guys right now.”
As you probably noticed, there is a pattern of showing disinterest. It’s keeping things short, simple, and to the point! It’s being direct, so there isn’t confusion or a misunderstanding.
Next time someone you’re not interested in shows up in your life, stay on topic and let them honestly know where you stand. It will earn you some respect and credibility. More importantly, it will help put you on the right path to discovering the person in which you actually may have some interest.
Love Coach and Founder, Tantra Love Coach Miami
“Hey, I had a great time with you, but I’m just not interested right now.”
It can be quite difficult to have this revelation when you’ve already invested time & energy in someone. It’ll be even hard if you have already let your friends know about him as well.
It’s never simple to break things off, but the longer you wait, the more time you’re wasting. There’s no easy way to get it done, but these tips can surely make things go smoothly.
There are two ways to say that you are not interested:
- Face to face
- Via text or email
Although face-to-face is the best and more mature way to go, if you have been only on a few dates, it’s acceptable to just say it via text/email. Just don’t ghost him after that. You don’t want karma to step in.
If he wants to have a conversation, and if you feel comfortable, you should have that. However, if you don’t feel like it, just tell him that you are not interested.
When to use text and face to face?
Less than 3 dates: If you have been to only a few dates with him or maybe one, you should consider doing this via text. However, face-to-face is much more preferred.
More than 3 dates: Suppose you have been on more than 3 dates and have already invested time in that relationship. It’s in the best interest of both to do this face-to-face. It’ll make you seem more mature and make the process easier.
Tips for text
Have a simple outline and two to five sentences max. No one-liners or full-on case study is needed for this. Finish with your initial at the end. A guy can be on multiple dates. The last thing you want him is to confuse you with someone else.
“Hey, I had a great time with you, but I’m not feeling a connection between us. I’m not interested in continuing this any further.”
– Your name
Tips for face-to-face conversation
Be straightforward and quick
You don’t want to drag the conversation too long as it’ll make things even more awkward and hard to do. Being straightforward and quick is the way to go. Remember you are there because you are not interested, so why waste both of your valuable time.
Don’t make things up for the sake of that conversation only. You have the right to choose with whom you want to spend your time with. Being honest is the best way to go.
- Good example: “Hey, I had a great time with you, but I’m just not interested right now.”
- Bad example: “I’ve decided not to date anymore. I’m taking a break. It’s not you; it’s me.”
Stay polite during the conversation
Just because you are not interested, it’s not fair to be rude during the process. In a calm voice, politely tell him that this will help you end that conversation easily without creating a scene and both of you will have each other’s respect.
The world’s a small place—you might end up running into him again at some point or another. Burning a bridge, or piling on things you hated about them after delivering the news, isn’t the best way to handle things.
Tell him exactly what you feel
During the process, you should tell him exactly what is making you feel that way. If you can just tell him the reason and they are legit, he’ll totally understand your situation.
If you have been on more than 3 dates, there should be no valid reason to just say that you are not interested. Remember being upcoming and honest will go a long way.
Maybe you rushed to get involved with him after being single for a long time, or maybe you were too excited at the beginning but made a wrong call and lost interest after a while. Maybe you even continued the dates because you were bored.
Center your conversation around the facts that truly justifies the matter.
Fill the conversation with compliments too
Don’t just make the conversation highlight what you don’t like and why you are not interested. Make sure to squeeze in a few positive sides and compliments during the conversation.
This will keep the conversation within the boundary of acceptance. If you think about it, there will be a few things that maybe you liked about him. Make sure to compliment him about that.
End the conversation with a position tone
After the conversation, make sure to end things on a positive note, and both of you have a mutual understanding. This will help to get over it quickly and move on.
There is no one solution that can cover every aspect of the conversation. Still, if you follow these tips, you can get out of the situation while maintaining a positive and healthy connection with him.
The world is a small place; you never know what you might get in the future. So, be honest, respectful, and have a positive vibe.
Dating Expert, Datingscout
Take the time to send an honest text
Instead of ghosting the guy and making him wonder what happened, try to take the more direct approach by sending them a direct but nice message. If the tables are turned, you would want the same treatment.
Send them a text, thanking them for their time, but it just wouldn’t work out between the two of you. Make it clear that they are not unlovable; they are just not the right fit for you. This kindness would make it easier for the both of you to be cordial and move on without being bitter.
Give out hints through body language
If you are not comfortable turning him down through an awkward conversation, you could slowly let him know by giving clear hints using body language. Just make sure that your actions are clear and don’t lead to confusion.
For instance, if he tries to initiate skin contact with you, keep a distance and be sure to let them see that you are setting that boundary. Just remember to always be respectful about it.
“This is Joe, he’s like a brother to me”
Do you want to friendzone a guy? Introduce him as your brother from another mother. Nothing beats this subtle tactic of telling a guy you’re not interested in him romantically.
If you can’t handle confrontation because you’re afraid you might break his heart, hinting is your best strategy.
Tell him you want to focus on something else – like yourself
Admit the truth that you are not yet ready for a romantic relationship, and once you do, it would probably be not with him. Let him know what things are keeping you tied at the moment.
It can be your career, a goal, a hobby, a passion, or focusing on yourself. A good guy would understand but take note that to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs—he will be hurt, but being the good guy that he is, he’ll get over it.
Dr. Brenda Wade
Clinical Psychologist | Relationship Advisor, Online For Love
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t feel a connection.”
So you met someone interested in you, but you are not interested in them? While communication is an essential part of the dating world, telling someone you aren’t interested in them isn’t always easy. We all fear rejection to some extent, and justifiably so.
It’s no fun to put your heart on the line and have it crushed into tiny little pieces.
If you aren’t proactive with conversations, go days without texting him, and avoid physical touch, you are most certainly not interested in him. Body language is the truth serum that indicates whether or not you are interested in someone. Most of the time, the other party will be able to read your body language and understand that you may not be interested in them.
Some ways to tell someone you aren’t interested in can go in various ways and can be unpredictable.
It’s extremely important to be kind and respectful before communicating your feelings towards them. Remember, you don’t have to go into detail as to why you are not interested. However, do keep in mind that hearing ‘no’ from someone hurts. Going into detail about why you aren’t interested in them will be hurtful to hear.
If you are not sure what to say, here are some suggested statements:
- “Thank you. However, I don’t feel it’s a good fit.”
- “I’m sorry, I just didn’t feel a connection.”
However, if they do push, they are crossing a boundary. If they are adamant about pushing their interest onto you, use the “broken record technique” to stay assertive. With that technique, simply say, “thank you, no,” and exit the stage. No one should ever make you feel guilty or uncomfortable because you aren’t interested in them.
Lastly, remember to practice the golden rule. Treat them as you want to be treated: Reject them the way you’d prefer to be rejected when you’re doing the asking.
Again, if they cross any boundaries, stay firm and clear.
“I’m just not interested in dating you.”
It’s okay to tell him, “I’m just not interested in dating you.” Sometimes it’s best to be direct and avoid leading someone on. Most guys appreciate when they’re dealing with someone who is a straight-shooter.
Guys tend to be pretty direct without adding a lot of emotional fluff to the conversation, so he’ll appreciate that you’re speaking his language!
“I love the fact that you make me laugh, but I don’t see this as something with long-term potential.”
Tell him what you appreciate about him before letting him down. Say something like, “I love the fact that you make me laugh, but I don’t see this as something with long-term potential.”
When you genuinely compliment him, it will be easier to let him know that you are not interested in dating him.
“I don’t want to ghost you because I have too much respect for you.”
Explain that you’re being honest about your feelings because you have a high level of respect for him. Say, “I don’t want to just ghost you or avoid having this conversation because I have too much respect for you.”
You can also tell him that you try to always operate with a high level of integrity and hope that he can respect that in return. It’s hard to be mad at someone who has respect for herself and for you.
“I love hanging out with you, and I want to continue to spend time with you, minus the romantic stuff.”
Tell him that you value his friendship, but only if you really do! Don’t say, “let’s be friends,” unless you truly mean it. If you do want to remain friends, talk about what you see for the future of your relationship.
Say, “I really love hanging out with you, and I want to continue to spend time with you, minus the romantic stuff.”
Think about how it would feel if the roles were reversed
Ask yourself how you would want him to handle it if he were the one telling you that he’s not interested. When you put yourself in someone else’s shoes, it’s easier to see the right way to handle the situation.
Dr. Kathryn Bingham
CEO, LEADistics LLC
Use the “like-concern-suggestion” technique
I’ve taught a technique that works for both organizational or group situations and personal conversations, called LCS, or “like-concern-suggestion.” LCS helps us have confident, courageous conversations.