Why stay when you’re just not into it?
So this is an interesting topic to unpack, and when you are speaking with men or women, you can get varied answers. However, when you funnel it down, all roads seem to lead to underlying inadequacies and bad habits that are universal to most singles.
I know it’s easy when you are looking at a couple, and they never seem to get along; you clearly wonder, “Why do they stay together?” Too often, when we interview clients, they say, “I should have left this relationship a long time ago, or I knew it when I first met him/her it wasn’t right.” So why do we stay, and why should we make better choices and leave?
It’s interesting that, as creatures of habits, we are actually surprised when we tend to have a hard time breaking one. Yes, it sounds bad, but sometimes we get into the habit of a relationship, rather than being fulfilled by one.
The thing you have to consider… Is being with someone more important than having true happiness?
I think, for the most part, our clients find it hard to ascertain the “WHY” they stayed involved with someone they genuinely are no longer in love with. They know (knowledge) that they are not happy, but the wise (wisdom) choice seems to elude them. Wouldn’t it make sense to utilize your knowledge and then act on your wisdom? Yes, of course, but when it comes to love, making sense of things and responding with clear rationale is not typical. 🙂
“You’re a hard habit to break” …Remember that song? It’s truthful in that even though the quality of a relationship diminishes, you are more likely to ignore the signs when you have time invested in the relationship. For most singles, it’s easier to ignore the disintegration of the relationship than to face they got it wrong again and will need to start over.
In order to get it right, you need to be honest with yourself and your friends and family when having conversations about your significant other. Believe me; friends & family will always be happy to share the honest truth when it comes to your happiness.
There is something in society that makes us feel more valued when we can say we are in a relationship. Ironically it doesn’t serve us well. We are the ones that miss out on the person we are truly meant to be with when we stay with a person that we’re not. Try to keep a journal of your relationship. This is a great point of demarcation, so you can evaluate if the love has grown or gone off course.
You can evaluate your relationship with the advantage of the insight of your own words. If you find yourself unfulfilled, then you can use this to reference and gather your thoughts so you can share with your partner what’s not working. Once you do, you can then discuss if you are both capable and willing to work on the relationship, or do you both need to move on?
It can be hard to break things off, especially when the love has just inadvertently left the relationship to no fault of either party. Sometimes there may not be an explanation other than, “This is not where you and I are meant to be.” In making this decision, remember you are not only affecting your life but theirs as well.
I have had clients say they felt selfish ending things because their partner was such a wonderful person. They just didn’t feel the same way anymore. What we encourage our clients to do is, to be honest, which will be liberating for both parties. It’s just harder when one person still wants to pursue the relationship. In the end, they, too, will come to realize that there is someone better for them as well. They deserve to be loved in a bigger, better way and trust you will have helped them get there.
The worst thing you can do is to live a lie. That only pacifies your need to be connected with another human being, at the cost of you and your partner’s happiness. As they say, “it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.” This is true, but no one really shares how to handle the actual disconnect with someone you care about.
Our best advice will always come from a place of honesty, thoughtfulness, and clear intentions on what the boundaries will be moving forward. In the best-case scenario, You salvage a friendship, as you have not deceived or breached the trust you had with them. If you can remember that life is not a rehearsal and that every moment counts, this will make perfect sense. Once you see the value and trust in your decision-making, it is then you will become successful in finding “The One.” Here’s to living your best love life!