Sex & Relationships
25 Conversation Starters On Bumble That Dating Experts Swear By
You’ll never be at a loss for words again.
PeopleImages/E+/Getty ImagesBy Carolyn SteberUpdated: Sep. 2, 2021Originally Published: Sep. 8, 2020
Swiping on Bumble is all fun and games, right up until you realize it’s up to you to send the first message. Instead of waiting for clever opening lines to roll in — or feeling as if the pressure is equally placed on both parties to say something more creative than “hey” — Bumble puts the ball entirely in your court.
So, how does one get a conversation started on Bumble? Cheesy opening lines are always a decent option when you’re completely at a loss for what to say. But if you really want to have a zesty back-and-forth, have a scroll through their bio, see what you have in common, and ask a question that’ll make them come up with a robust answer. “Ask open-ended questions that hint at who you are, demonstrate curiosity [in their life], and elicit a discussion,” dating coach Lori Ann Kret, LCSW, BCC tells Bustle.More like thisHow To Have The “What Are We?” Convo In A SituationshipBy Griffin Wynne21 Witty Responses To A “What’s Up” Message On TinderBy Griffin Wynne30 Non-Awkward Ways To Text Someone You Haven’t Talked To In A WhileBy Carolyn Steber7 Places To Watch Feminist PornBy Carolyn SteberRedefine your day with the Bustle newsletter.Stay on the edge of the day’s top stories guaranteed to inspire, inform, and entertain. From fashion to politics and everything in between, your Monday–Friday is upgraded.Submit
It’s also a good idea to keep authenticity in mind. While it can be so tempting to try to “say the right thing” or be impressive when sending messages on Bumble, it’s much better to stay true to yourself and ask Qs that feel like they’re coming from a genuine place. “You may not get as many matches this way, but those who do engage will be higher quality connections for you,” Kret says.
If you don’t hear back after reaching out, move on! According to dating coach Veronica Grant, you won’t want to waste your time with someone who isn’t responding or matching your energy. The dating pond is vast and there will always be someone else to talk to on Bumble — and beyond. With that in mind, read on for 25 ways to get people talking on dating apps.
“Where would you visit if you could go anywhere right now?”
While there may not be a ton of travel going on right now, it’s still fun to talk about where you’d both like to go, what you love most about being on the road, or the best meals you’ve had abroad. Travel-adjacent topics truly are endless.
“Wow, I think you’re the first [insert unexpected job] I’ve come across on this app!”
If someone’s career stands out to you, let them know. Maybe they’re a zoologist, or a coffee taste-tester, or a professional cuddler. Whatever the case may be, they’ll likely laugh, agree that they have a weird gig, and then tell you all about it.
“I’m a huge comedy fan, too. My favorite album is Maria Bamford’s ‘Ask Me About My New God.’ hbu?”
People’s bios can start to blur together, so the moment you spot someone with a similar interest, cling to it like the proverbial life raft it is. If you’re both obsessed with comedy, for example, ask if they’ve heard your favorite album. If yes, commence bonding. If not, offer to send them a Spotify link.
“There’s something wrong with my phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.”
Nobody likes it when strangers saunter up in a bar to say something lame, like “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” But when said in a low-key, jokey kind of way on a dating app, cheesy pick-up lines can suddenly seem like fun icebreakers.
Use this one if it seems like the other person has a good sense of humor and won’t take you too seriously. Hopefully, they’ll volley right back with an equally cringe response, and before you know it you’ll be in love.
“Here’s my best opening line: ————”
For another knee-slapper, send a literal opening line in the form of a bunch of dashes. (Get it?) It’s perfect for when you aren’t quite sure where to start a conversation, but still really want to say hi.
Again, this is just about breaking the ice and getting a convo rolling. Once they respond, follow up with a deeper getting-to-know-you question, possibly by asking about where they grew up, what they do for fun. Oh, or if they’d like to meet up for a date.
“I couldn’t help but notice your bookshelf. What are you reading right now?”
Nothing bonds two people quite like a shared love of books, so if you notice they’re also a reader (like, maybe you spy a photo of their bookshelf or a shared reading list), use it to your advantage. You’ll be offering to swap books or go to a reading together before you know it.
“Where’s the coolest place you’ve ridden your motorcycle?”
Instead of saying “hey, cool motorcycle” or “hi, cute car,” ask if they’ve been on any fun road trips lately, suggests dating coach Katie Grimes. She says honing in on someone’s unique interests is a good way to get them talking.
“What’s one thing people assume about you that isn’t necessarily true?”
It’s tough to accurately represent who you are as a person on a dating app. Many people are secretly hoping to share more about themselves or explain their profile, which is why this line is such a good one. Chances are the other person will jump at the chance to clarify a thing or two, and maybe even tell a few fun stories about themselves.
“What usually attracts you to somebody? For me, it’s always good style and a love of dogs ;)”
Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, recommends being a bit cheeky and flirty on dating apps by pointing out appealing traits. “This line shows them you aren’t shy to take notice of the little things,” she tells Bustle. “A compliment can go a long way — just don’t overdo it!”
“If you could only have 5 apps on your phone, what would they be?”
Trombetti also love this question as it ends up being oddly revealing about a person’s hobbies and interests.
“Wow, it’s really coming down out there. What do you like to do when it rains?”
This conversation starter feels casual since all you’re doing is acknowledging the weather. But it’ll also provide useful insight into what the other person likes to do on a chill evening at home. Do they like to listen to music? Watch Netflix? Bake? Their answer will tell you a lot about them — and hopefully lead to a cozy convo that lasts all night.https://f4e630daaa8abe7e5ba80a37ba68c3ae.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html
“I’m taking a poll. Do you prefer X or Y?”
Choose a light-hearted topic and message them to take a poll. Do they like savory or sweet? Beach or mountains? Staying in or going out? See what they say and ask why.
“Anyways, I’d love to get to know you more. Would you like to set up a FaceTime call?”
If you don’t hear back right away or are worried your opening line has fallen flat, Grant suggests sending this message to see if it inspires a response. Remember it isn’t worth it to force a conversation or waste your time waiting around for someone to write back. Consider this a last resort, before gracefully moving on.
“What’s the best (or worst) opening line you’ve received on here?”
Relationship coach Nancy Ruth Deen suggests this question as a fun way to halfway admit you don’t know what else to say. It could also result in a fun exchange about all the bizarre opening lines you’ve received over the years.
“Hey! It’s nice to meet you.”
Want something straight forward? Dating expert Mindie Barnett actually loves going in with a simple greeting like this one. It leaves a nice blank slate for further discussion, but also feels warm and inviting.
“Please answer the following pre-screening questions:”
Myers also recommends coming up with a list of half funny, half serious “pre-screening” questions to ask from the jump. If you don’t like their answers, politely move on! That’s what dating apps are for, after all.
“If you could completely change careers, what would you do?”
So many people ask what others do for work on dating apps, and while that’s OK, it’s fun to turn the question on its head. “This one will get their attention without going too far off the beaten path,” dating expert Melissa Braverman tells Bustle.
“Hey! I’m glad we matched! What are you up to this weekend?”
If you’re on the cusp of a weekend, Barnett suggests following up by asking if they have any weekend plans or what they hope to get into. If you’re messaging on a Monday, simply ask how their weekend went to get them chatting. Easy peasy.
Dating experts:
Veronica Grant, love and life coach
Sameera Sullivan, relationship expert
Katie Grimes, dating coach
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker
Nancy Ruth Deen, relationship coach
Sandra Myers, matchmaker and relationship expert
Mindie Barnett, dating expert
Melissa Braverman, dating expert