It’s definitely hard to watch someone you know well become someone you don’t know when they meet someone that’s not good for them. How do you know when your partner isn’t necessarily your better half?
As matchmakers, we always encourage clients to get their significant other around their friends and family. These are the people who will always see things clearly, even when you don’t. Even the brightest of people struggle with a clear view of how things are going at the beginning of a relationship. It’s intoxicating, if not addictive. Feeling a deep connection with another human being in a way that was unexpected and exciting is hard to criticize, especially when self-evaluating. The hope is that when two become one, the bond of the two make each of the one’s lives bigger and better than they could ever be on their own. What we typically don’t talk about is what happens when it doesn’t?
I remember one of our clients saying that being alone and not dating anyone was better than being alone with someone unfit for her. She knew that being truly alone was the better option, as meeting someone great was still possible. Being alone when you are currently with someone, leaves no room for hope. You truly are just surviving/ putting up with the other person’s behavior, because of your lack of good decision making. It’s amazing how much power someone can have in your life if you choose to let them. Keeping a fair mindset and balancing that with being wise in your decision-making, can be challenging when it comes to Love.
The best advice is always to listen to your instincts, and to trust yourself. When you listen to yourself and are open to the opinions of the people who love you and truly want the best for you, then you are far more likely to make good choices. It is much easier to walk away from a relationship in the first few months, as opposed to years down the road. Don’t ignore the red flags you knew were there from the beginning because you prefer to have a partner in your life. Being true to thy self will always outrank everything else in the dating arena. When you choose yourself first, then you will always find yourself in a better position to get to the person you deserve. Love is amazing and worth the great lengths we may go to, in order to have it, but not at the expense of living life as your best self.
Here are a few things to look for when you first start to date someone:
1. Keep the physical connection on the back burner until you have legitimate confidence that this is someone who has the true potential to be a great partner.
2. Ask the questions that you feel are necessary but in a fun light way. Typically if you make a concern you have about you, rather than them, it is more likely you will get an honest answer without making your date feel like you are interrogating them. For example:
“I don’t really drink a lot, so I want to make sure you’re not expecting me to keep up with you?” (with a smile, of course). This way you are letting them know you are not a drinker and that your lack of drinking may not coincide with their lifestyle.
3. Allow yourself to be open yet address anything you have concerns about in exactly the same way as explained in the last example. This will keep the date light-hearted and no one will feel defensive while you are uncovering the potential of a future relationship.
When you work with a matchmaker it is much easier to navigate through this, as you have a resource to expand and help evaluate the other person’s actions. We give our clients an omniscient view which keeps your natural deductions in check. Love is an incredible gift if managed wisely! Whether you go it alone or choose to use a matchmaker, keep persisting!